Tuesday, December 13, 2005

Terminator Indeed


I feel so naïve. I really thought the good guys might win this one. I’d like to believe that the concept of redemption is not totally lost in our political and judicial systems, but what can you expect from the Terminator himself? I guess all those shitty movies made him believe that justice cannot be served without bloodshed. What an ass hole. How could the people of California give a Barbarian this type of power in the first place? How embarrassing.

By raise of hands, how many of you wanted Morgan Freeman to fry in The Shawshank Redemption? What? No one? We’re all a bunch of bleeding heart cry babies when it’s just make believe, aren’t we? But it jis’ don’t work like that in the ril world, do it?

On the subject of cinema, I submit that we petition George Lucas to further re-cut the ending of Return of the Jedi for his mega-ultra release of the Star Wars super deluxe special edition six pack, due out next year some time. To keep with the times and insure that these classics remain socially relevant, the following revisions should be made:

Moments after Darth Vader “sees the light” and hurls the Emperor into oblivion, saving the universe from another thousand years of military conflict under the opressive boot of the evil Empire, he has a heartfelt "Full House" moment with his son Luke, where he is forgiven for his past transgressions and given a proper Jedi funeral after which he is reunited with the living Force, right? Well, fuck that pansy ass shit. In the real world, Luke would deal out his own harsh brand of street justice beginning with the beheading of his crippled father before he has a chance to “bond” with him face to face, thereby becoming the very thing he fears the most, a heartless killer. After this, Vader shall be given a traitors funeral where the brave and wise Luke, along with Lando, Leia, Han, Chewie and the rest of the gang (Ewoks included) will feast upon his entrails while urinating on his corpse. The ghosts of Yoda and Obi-Wan shall then appear, giving high fives all around whilst blocking the way Vader's path into Heaven, lest he should attempt to sneak past them. Roll credits, only now John William’s original credits theme is replaced with Minor Threat’s “I Don’ t Wanna’ Hear It”.

Happy Holiday's!

1 comment:

Kevin said...

It seems to me that the worst thing that can happen is for the death penalty to become a popularity contest. I've been against the death penalty largely based on what I saw during the execution of William Andrews. This case was borderline and would have likely not taken place except for big pre-execution publicity campaign.

Having the application of justice determined by the media is the worst possible world. I personally admire people who stand against the group think and have less than good feelings for those who engage in the manipulation of it.

I hope you have figured out by now that a film editor can make anyone into a villian or hero by the way they edit the footage.