Thursday, November 24, 2005
STUFFED THANKSGIVING RANT
The Christmas lights went up the day after Halloween. Christmas songs in malls started last week. America doesn't give a rat's ass about Thanksgiving. Republican Christians use it as a holiday to thank God for "giving" them America. Native Americans hold "UnThanksgiving" to remember the genocide of their people. And everyone else uses it as a day off and a day to prepare for Consumer Monkey Day. I say, get rid of Thanksgiving.
I say let's have 2 Christmases. It's everyone's favorite holiday anyways and Americans love overkill. And there's no excuse for the economy to not to blossum as well. Two sucker punches of consumer madness will enable the US to pay for any damn war it wants. Also, on Nov. 1st, it'll make sense when all the XMAS decorations go up in Wal-Mart. Christmas #1 will be held on the 4th Thursday of every November. There will be 2 Black Fridays (Consumer Monkey Days). One on the last Friday of October and one after Christmas #1. Then, whatever presents you get during Christmas #1 that you don't like, you can re-gift on Christmas #2.
Need a Jesus Christ tie-in? OK...Say Christmas #1 is for celebrating his "Water To Wine" thing or some shit like that and then Christmas #2 is for celebrating his actual birthday. I know that's bass-ackwards, but who gives a fuck? It just means I get more DVDs wrapped in green and red paper.