Tuesday, May 08, 2007

New Short Story

Not that many of you pay attention (it's cool, I don't take it personally), I've posted a new short story.

Let me know what you think.

And when you're done with that one, you should read more of them. Or maybe you should start from back to front.

Either way, here's a link to the whole list.
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1 comment:

Anonymous said...

This is a repost.

I like the idea you are trying to convey. However, the idea and the necessary feeling needed to portray this story are not balanced. The plot is like a loud spill of black ink on an unexpecting canvas. Canvas prefers oil, not ink. Your story requires more refinement with less focus on words that overstate dialogue (Brutally, Delicately, with much love, etc. are better off omitted.) By doing so (omitting redundant wording and descriptions)you begin to get at the heart of what you originally intended to paint for yourself and the reader. I didn't like how the story ended, because my mind was putting the puzzle pieces together much quicker than the story line was feeding me the information. Three-fourths of the way through, I was certain of how the story would end. Then I became bored. I really felt like you reached the 'feeling' mark during the middle of the story. Here your descriptive wording isn't as overpowering. This story demands simplicity.

To know the look and feel of your idea is to captivate your audience. Goodluck. You are well on your way.

4:23 PM

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