Wednesday, March 07, 2007

New Short Story

I've posted up a new short story over at the short story blog.

It's called "The Reckless Abandon of Youth".

As usual, be sure to let me know what you thought, if anything.


Duckie Butters said...


I read your story and liked quite a lot.

I'm not sure if you want criticism or not, but I will say this:

If anything you could perhaps re-work the dialogue where they two boys are thinking out loud of possible lies to explain where the bikes came from. I suppose it's fine in a short story but if you have plans to adapt it for the screen, that dialogue comes off a little too "on the nose" for my tastes. Even if it remains simply as a short story, you might consider taking a look at that part.

Also, When John says: "Screw you Sara, go go hell!"

I would suggest toning that down to something slightly more juvenile like having John call Sara a Butt face or something equally as stupid.

When you have him act like such a little prick to his own sister, it comes off kinda like that one time when Steve lost his cool and freaked out on that one Molly broad.

I think John should be slightly less of a prick.

Your pal,



I have read a lot of your short stories and given feedback on occasion. If you appreciate the feedback, let me know and I'll keep it up. If you would rather that I don't give feedback let me know and I will keep my big fat mouth shut.

Bryan said...

I genuinely appreciate constructive criticism.