Wednesday, March 07, 2007

New Short Story

I've posted up a new short story over at the short story blog.

It's called "The Reckless Abandon of Youth".

As usual, be sure to let me know what you thought, if anything.

2 comments:

Duckie Butters said...

Bryan,

I read your story and liked quite a lot.

I'm not sure if you want criticism or not, but I will say this:

If anything you could perhaps re-work the dialogue where they two boys are thinking out loud of possible lies to explain where the bikes came from. I suppose it's fine in a short story but if you have plans to adapt it for the screen, that dialogue comes off a little too "on the nose" for my tastes. Even if it remains simply as a short story, you might consider taking a look at that part.

Also, When John says: "Screw you Sara, go go hell!"

I would suggest toning that down to something slightly more juvenile like having John call Sara a Butt face or something equally as stupid.

When you have him act like such a little prick to his own sister, it comes off kinda like that one time when Steve lost his cool and freaked out on that one Molly broad.

I think John should be slightly less of a prick.

Your pal,

Duckie

PS

I have read a lot of your short stories and given feedback on occasion. If you appreciate the feedback, let me know and I'll keep it up. If you would rather that I don't give feedback let me know and I will keep my big fat mouth shut.

Bryan said...

I genuinely appreciate constructive criticism.