Lindsay Lohan Should Get Super AIDS

I keep hearing about 20 year old Lindsay Lohan in the news. The fact that I used the word "news" in that last sentence is a problem. Cuz, really, who the fuck is Lindsay Lohan and why the fuck should we care? Who the hell are you, in the American public, that keeps a tally of what drug this stupid broad is using this week? Why is a headline about her DUI just inches away from dreadful updates out of Iraq? But, I guess, it's more of the same shit and I shouldn't be surprised.

She was hotter when she was jail bait.

And the same goes for the likes of Britney Spears, Paris Hilton, and Paula Abdul. All three of them also made "news" this week. Spears was vomiting all over a bar floor, Hilton was going to jail or something, and a recorded phone conversation exposed Abdul as a whiny bitch.

The radio wastes precious airtime telling us these preposterous facts and television can't get enough of Britney Spears b-roll cutaways. Hell, I wouldn't be surprised if they start cutting away to footage of Paris Hilton's blurred out cooter during a news piece on Illegal Immigration. Just for rating's sake, of course.

Oh, hey, I was just driving and they announced on the radio that Lindsay's new boyfriend was video taped snorting cocaine with two hookers dressed as school girls in London. Huh...

I hope those hookers had AIDS and gave her boyfriend AIDS and then he gives Lindsay AIDS and then there's a big Lohan-Spears-Hilton-Abdul orgy and they all get a huge batch of super AIDS and die.

Donkey Punch City.

Cuz the last thing we need is more news stories and blog posts written about these hoes.