Sunday, January 07, 2007

Two New Short Stories

I unearthed a couple of shorts from a few years ago, so I posted them.

Both are scripts for short films that were going to be shot, but never were.

The Last Days, a story about war

and

The Executive Attendant, a comedy.

1 comment:

Duckie Butters said...

Bryan,

I read "The Executive Attendant" and here are my two cents.

I would consider toning the boss dude's character down a little so he wasn't such a hard ass. I realize that this is a comedy and you were probably going for the cartoonish but still I think by having him say things like "we don't need you here" is just too much. The fact that he throws the resume away "shows" that he is a heartless dude. That may set the tone right there.

Also the ending which reveals "Dad" as the actual father of the boss could use a tweak in my opinion.

Instead of revealing that tid bit verbally, I would go for the visual here and make father and son have a little face to face. Reveal it visually. It could make a good concept into a really great concept.

Best of luck,

Duckie