Friday, February 09, 2007

Anna Nicole Smith Died...


... and the media keeps telling me that I should give a rat's ass.


Posted by at

8 comments:

Anonymous said...

Yeah, right. if you didn't give a rat's ass you would have ignored the news instead of posting it with a picture from your collection.

what a hypocrite...pretending to scorn the media for calling attention to a story and then posting it.

Whatever.

9:43 AM
Anonymous said...

Steven,
Oh, I guess I was wrong. You didn't post a picture of Anna Nicole Smith and pretend like you don't have any interest in the matter while whining about the media's coverage.

No, wait, you did.

Your a hypocrite not because you're "reporting on the media," but because YOU reported on Anna Nicole's Death...and then complained about the media covering her death.

If you truly didn't give a rat's ass, you wouldn't have posted anything about it. It doesn't take brilliance to figure this one out.

I'm curious, is this type of phone call common with you?

sfx: phone rings
girl (or guy): Hello?
Steven G: Hey, it's Steven
girl (or guy): Steven?
Steven G: Steven Greenstreet, you know we used to date?
girl (or guy): oh, um...
Steven G: Well, I just wanted you to know that I don't give a rat's ass about you anymore.
girl (or guy): Um...alright.
Steven G: Seriously, even though you think you dumped me, I don't give a rat's ass about you.
girl (or guy): Um...that's cool, I'm happy for you, I guess. Listen, I have to go-
Steven G: Did you know that I'm making movies now?
girl (or guy): Look, I really need to go.
Steven G: Yeah, I made this incredible documentary about--
girl (or guy): Steven, I REALLY need to go.
Steven G: OH YEAH, WELL I DON'T GIVE A RAT'S ASS ABOUT YOU!!!
girl (or guy): Good bye Steven, please get some help.
sfx: click
Steven G: I DON'T GIVE A RAT'S ASS ABOUT YOU!!!

4:48 PM
Unknown said...

I think this conversation would be funny:

SFX: Phone rings
Steven Picks up:

Steven: Hello?

Anonymous "This Divided State"
Blogtroll: Hey, Steven?

Steven: Yeah? Who is this?

Blogtroll: I don't like you at all and I hate reading about you, but... I just wanted you to know that I visit your blog on a daily basis and come to pester your posts at all hours of the night.

Steven: Fucking brilliant, man. That's flattering.

Blogtroll: And I'm jealous of the fact that you have a blog to call home while I'm relegated to trolling blogs of people whom I hate.

Steven: Are you sure you just don't have sand in your vagina?

Blogtroll: You've said that to me and others 364 times. I've counted every time. I tally mark each occasion on my belt.

Steven: Why? I thought you hate me and why would you waste time bugging me otherwise?

Blogtroll has nothing to say, he merely breathes heavily into the phone.

Steven: You know, just because you aren't saying anything doesn't mean I don't know you're there.

Steven can hear a soft slurping noise, as though Blogtroll were masturbating with copious amounts of lotion.

Blogtroll: Oh God, oh God, oh God...

Steven: Are you jerking off?

Blogtroll: No I'm getting the sand out of my vagina and putting it in my rat's ass. You're gay. And you wear scarfs. And look like other people, sort of...

Steven: You know I appreciate the fact that you go out of your way to idolize me, but I've got deadlines. I'm working on a film right now. I have to go.

Blogtroll: I'm working on a film too, gay boy, it's called "Steven is a butt-hole surfing filmmaker that I hate!"

Steven: Make sure to invite me to the premiere. Buh-bye now.

Steven hangs up.

Blogtroll: I'll get you for this Greenstreet!!!!

Blogtroll screams, arms outstretched, dropping the phone.

5:40 PM
... said...

Now I have people writing short screenplays about me.

This is awesome.

Keep it up guys!

Tune in tomorrow to see what new comments have been posted! (Or you could check back every 30 minutes like usual).

5:42 PM
Unknown said...

anonymous, I have to say your conversation with Steve and his ex-girlfriend actually caused belly laughs, which is why I felt compelled to write the above dialogue.

The above dialogue also made me laugh.

5:42 PM
Anonymous said...

Bryan,
your conversation would indeed be funny, but we all know that this is how it really goes:

INT: Bryan's House

Bryan is writing humorous dialogue or a well thought out post for his blog. Steven is watching Bryan with envy, wanting to also contribute.

Steven starts to write about Justin Timberlake, but is then distracted by the news that Anna Nicole Smith has died. He scours the internet for details. Tears well in his eyes.

Bryan: Dude, are you crying?
Steven: No man (cough cough) I got something in my eye.
Bryan: Will you get over Anna Nicole!
Steven: What? I totally don't give a rat's ass about that.
Bryan: Then what are you looking at?
Steven: Oh, the damn media has this Anna Nicole story everywhere. Jeez, I'm so sick of it.

Steven now has something to say on the blog and posts his denial. He checks back every 30 minutes to see what the world has to say in response. He also silently mourns the passing of his pin up princess.

Later that week, somebody notices Steven's hypocritical post and calls him on it.

Steven: Some piece of #$%@ thinks I give a rat's ass about Anna Nicole!!!! I'll show him!!!
Bryan: Settle down, Steven. They're just trying to get your goat. Don't explode again, you'll discredit yourself and this blog like you always do.
Steven: How dare those #$%#@%'s!!! I have to stop them.
Bryan: Seriously, let it go.
Steven: I'm a famous movie director! This is my year!!! They can't do this!! AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!!!!
Bryan: Dude! Chill! Nobody reads the blog anymore because of your stupid outburts! We all look like jackasses!


Steven, frothing at the mouth, begins to type. 2 hours later he finally has a response and posts it. Now Bryan has tears in his eyes.

7:00 PM
... said...

This stuff is gold. Gold I tell you.

7:57 PM
Anonymous said...

Yep. Gold.

Not quite as golden as the jaxxx episode, but gold nonetheless.

9:21 PM

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