Tuesday, October 23, 2007


I hate to post more from BYU's Daily Universe, but I couldn't help myself. This is from the campus paper's weekly "Police Beat". I didn't change or edit anything. It's comedy gold.

Suspicious Behavior:

Oct. 2: Two female students were walking home to Helaman Halls, returning from a dance class in the RB, when they encountered a man, who engaged them in conversation. The students were uncomfortable and thought his intentions were not all they should be. He touched them, but not in an inappropriate place. After talking to their mothers, the students decided to report the incident to the police.

Oct. 2: A suspicious white male was reported in the men's locker room in the RB. The complainant said it appeared as though the individual was there to watch men in the dressing room. The suspect was described as a heavy-set white male, approximately 60-years-old and 6-feet tall.

Oct. 5: A female occupant of Wyview Park was asleep in her apartment when someone threw a cat through her partially open window. A man outside the window was communicating with her, trying to talk her into letting him come into the apartment, but she refused. The police think he threw the cat through the window so she would let him in. The suspect has not been identified.

Oct. 6: Three female students were reported for suspicious activity outside Felt Hall in Heritage Halls. When police arrived, they discovered the suspects were shooting each other with squirt guns. They were interviewed and let go.

Oct. 10: A suspicious man was reported lingering in the parking lot at Wymount Terrace. He was smoking near a truck with California plates. After investigation, the police discovered that the suspect was the father of a resident of Wymount Terrace. He had come to help his son repair his vehicle.

Oct. 11: A suspicious man was reported handing out fliers near Bowen Hall in Heritage Halls. The suspect was gone when officers arrived.

Oct. 13: At 6 a.m. the police received a call reporting a group of loud students who were harassing tenants of Helaman Halls. The caller said they had been knocking on his window. The police found the group of students and questioned them. They said they were just talking and had not knocked on the man's window. When asked by police to be quiet, they said they would, and soon after went to Denny's for breakfast.

Oct. 14: Officers responded to a report of a suspicious person in Wyview Park. When they found the individual, they questioned him. He said he was waiting for some friends to come home from church. Police confirmed his story.

Oct. 16: A suspicious individual was reported rummaging through a car in a student parking lot south of campus. After further investigation, the police discovered he was the owner of the vehicle.

And then this one. Someone at the paper must be making this shit up:


Oct. 3: A male student received a text message on his cell phone indicating that he would die within 9 hours and 16 minutes.



Logan said...

Handing out flyers is, of course, inherently suspicious. Anything citizens need to know will be distributed through legitimate media.

... one of those, 'if I didn't laugh, I'd cry' moments.

Stenar said...

Just when you think BYU is fucked up, it gets even worse.