BYU Police Reports = Comedy Gold

The following is copied and pasted from Brigham Young University's "POLICE BEAT" report. Seriously, I didn't change anything. This shit is fucking awesome.

Sept. 7: An 18-year-old female student was reported behaving oddly in the bookstore. When University Police arrived, she was outside the bookstore, behaving irrationally, dancing around, singing, throwing personal possessions out on the lawn and giving irrational an-swers when questioned by police. She was taken to the hospital and kept for observation. As far as police know, she had gone without sleep for a couple of days.

Sept 12: A conflict, due to a failure to communicate and talk problems out, was reported between two 18-year-old female students living in M. Smith Hall in Heritage Halls. The roommates have been arguing over apartment chores and accusing one another of destroying each other's food. Profanity and some hair pulling was involved. This has been turned over to the housing office for a resolution.

Sept 14,: A 23-year-old female student came to the office to report a concern she had about a 47-year-old man she met while on her mission, who keeps calling her on her cell phone even though she has attempted to make clear to him that there is no interest on her part. She was instructed to keep a log of the phone calls she gets from him and to tell him to quit calling. After she does this, if he continues to call, police will get an injunction against him for stalking.

Sept 17: A 21-year-old female student reported a suspicious man near the old UVSC campus, west of Helaman Halls. The suspect was described as a 30-year-old man, 5-foot-10, normal build, scruffy face, a two-day-old beard, a European accent and wearing a tan baseball cap, tan shirt and dark pants. He was reported for being suspicious simply because he didn't fit the profile of a student or an employee, and being a little bit off the main thoroughfare of campus, the student was concerned about it.

Sept 18: A handwritten letter of an obscene nature was received by the admissions office. The letter was eight pages long and the author meandered through a lot of different unrelated topics. The police traced it to Calumet City, IL and have located the suspect.

Sept. 30: Someone was reported smoking in the parking garage of the Joseph F. Smith Building but was gone when the officer arrived.