BYU POLICE BEAT

Got some real gems this time:

Feb. 29: BYU police received a call reporting a white male wearing a gray hooded sweatshirt walking around Maeser Hill hitting people. When officers responded, the suspicious male was not on the premises.

March 1: BYU police received a call reporting suspicious behavior in a Heritage Hall parking lot. Individuals were seen running around the parking lot and looking into cars. Upon investigation it was determined that the students were chasing deer around the lot.

March 7: A suspicious male was seen walking a dog near Wymount. When police responded neither the man nor the dog was present. NOTE: Who the fuck is making these police calls?

March 9: A male BYU student received a threatening text message indicating he would die. The student responded with a text message saying that he would take the sender of the text message with him. There are no known suspects.

March 10: Residents of Wymount called BYU police when they noticed a suspicious male in their commons area. None of the residents recognized the man, who had been sitting and watching children play for an hour. When an officer responded they discovered that the man was watching his sister's children while she was out of the house and had taken them to the playground. His story checked out but when the officers ran his information they discovered a warrant for his arrest. They promptly arrested the man, who had failed to appear in court for a speeding ticket.

March 12: A male student posted fliers in female dorm halls asking for dates to satisfy a dating requirement for his marriage preparation class. The fliers not only violate BYU policy but were disturbing female residents. Police discovered that the student was not enrolled in that class and the professor he said he had has retired.

March 14: A student called BYU police when she noticed three suspicious males walking around a parking lot. When police responded they determined that the suspicious males were actually grounds crew who had been picking up trash.