The Transformers Movie

Last night I saw the Transformers movie (not Transformers the Movie) and I was greatly excited to see it, although my expectations were low. I loved the Transformers as a kid and as a teenager, but even as a teenager I always hated Michael Bay.

He's really not that good of a filmmaker, but Transformers is, far and away, his best film.

Having said that, this film really wasn't all that good, but I enjoyed the hell out of it. Which begs the question, "Was it a good movie?"

Elias and I talked briefly about this today. He argued that even though the movie was bad, as long as I enjoyed it, then it had accomplished its mission and was, therefore, a good movie.

"But the writing and 90% of the acting and the handling of the Transformers mythology was all so bad. I just couldn't help enjoying myself during the movie despite all that. The movie was just horrible though." That's what I told him.

"But you liked it."

Hm.

This is really confusing. I'm as confused by the movie as the movie is confused by itself. It's a horrible movie disguised as a kick ass action film. The script really was silly and stupid but the special effects were astounding. John Voight and Megan Fox are horrible but Shia LaBeouf is the best performer of his generation. The way they treated the original Transformers (their looks, voices, etc.) wasn't that faithful but it all looked really awesome anyway.

I'm conflicted. There was as much awesome as horrible in this film.

But it was entertaining as all hell. To me, anyway. My brother wasn't entertained by it at all and it was because, I think, he forgot to check his brain at the door. This is a Michael Bay film. It's like showing up to a fourth grade literature class and bringing Umberto Eco novels to study. It's just not going to be very rewarding.

Go see this movie, so long as you check your brain at the door and realize this is more Michael Bay than Steven Spielberg.

Now that I've said that, I want to air a small laundry list of shit they could have fixed with a simple script revision:

1) Megatron's first words should NOT have been, "I am Megatron." They should have been, "I still function."

2) Starscream's voice should have remained either in tact or close.

3) Jon Voight should have been fired and his part should have been eliminated from the script. Then, there needs to be a federal law prohibiting film companies from casting Jon Voight as anything.

4) Megan Fox needs to be seen, not heard.

5) The military stuff needed to be about 1/8th as long as it was.

6) Prime should have said, "Autobots: Transform and rollout," instead of just, "Autobots: rollout."

7) The best moment of the film should have been more original than stealing great moments from a film like "The Iron Giant."

8) The "Allspark" was stupid.

Okay.... I'm getting really nit-picky, so I'll quit while I'm ahead.

So here's the verdict:

Acting: 7 of 10 (all 7 for Shia LeBeouf and Peter Cullen)
Direction: 4 of 10 (which is a perfect 10 for Michael Bay)
Script and Story: 1 of 10
Special Effects: 10 of 10
Enjoyment: 9 of 10

Overall: 6 of 10