McCain Bio Video:
John McCain was a POW.
John McCain was a father. Of multiple kids. With multiple women.
John McCain's family has a history of fighting wars. That's a good thing?
On old white man reading from a book. ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ.
John McCain was a POW.
Soldiers, soldiers, war footage, war footage, more soldiers.
"He's not in it for the glory"
Modern footage of McCain looking old.
Modern footage of military soldiers, war footage, war footage, war footage.
Token black person.
Seriously, shot of white person, cut to black person, shot of white person, cut to black person
LOL. Back to POW footage again.
Video ends.
Some dude with a southern accent (oh, Fred Thompson) saying "John McCain was a POW"
McCain enters.
McCain caught in the headlight literally. He looks dazed. Poor guy.
Awkward, standing waiting for podium to raise
He looks scared. Jesus, he literally looks scared.
Wide shot of arena, empty seats. Small arena.
Cindy McCain stopped applauding long ago, she looks like "Don't screw up"
GREEN backdrop again! LOL!
Is that one of his 7 houses for his backdrop? WTF
A PROTESTER!!! Kick ass. Oh, but they're kicking him out. NO! They're not!
"Thank you Pres Bush", cuts to veterans not applauding. LOL
9/11 right off the bat. Protester starts screaming. Stops McCain. Crowd chants "USA"
"Thanks, Cindy" cuts to Cindy with "Don't screw up face"
"I won't let you down", he says that 3 times.
LOL. He keeps smiling after every one-liner like "Whew!"
Ok, I think he just plagiarized Obama's speech.
"All people are created equal" except for impregnated rape victims.
He keep mumbling to himself when the crowd goes wild.
He just said a line, looked down at his notebook, raised his eyebrows like "Whew!"
More protesters! Hell yeah! Code Pink! Crowd chants "USA"
McCain on protesters, "Don't be distracted by the ground noise and static"
John McCain looks old.
John McCain just forgot Sarah Palin's last name. "Sarah......"
Palin had kids! Applause.
McCain: "Palin works with her hands and nose"
McCain just plagiarized Obama again, "This election isn't about me, it's about you"
He keeps saying his one liners like 3 times in a row still.
Ok, I'm bored and I need a cigarette bad. He's struggling.
He just squinted to look into the telepromter. I almost feel bad for him.
LOL, he just said "I fight for these people who lost their jobs in Wisconsin" and the Wisconsin delegates cheered.
More squinting.
Just repeated his one-liner again.
This race is over. This guy looks dead in the water.
He flubbed a line, awkward silence, then cheers.
The audience seems to be waiting on when to applaud, they seem confused.
I have no idea what he's talking about.
"I will cut Govt spending" Bullshit. Military spending.
Crowd looks DEAD! DEAD! No tears. No looks of optimism.
Jesus Christ, every cut away is of white people. I just counted 12 cut aways. All white people.
Just cutaway to a kid yawning.
Audience is now chanting "DRILL DRILL DRILL"
I kid you not: A cutaway to a kid sitting/texting.
This audience is dead. I'm not even being biased. Dead.
LOL! Another cutaway to kid texting.
McCain is now rehashing all the things covered in the video. POW, war, etc
Whoa. Creepy blond girl smiling REALLY wide while McCain talks about the Cold War.
"I was blessed with misfortune". Yes, yes, you were.
"I liked to pick a few fights for my own pleasure".
"Property" instead of "properly", he's still thinking of his houses.
"I couldn't feed myself"
Torture, POW, war, fighting, 40 years ago, that applies to today.
I might admit that his speel about being a POW was touching, but expected.
"Enlist in our armed forces", recruitment pitch?
Fucked up this line: "Teach an illiterate adult to read."
Cutaway to scary botox lady giving "thumbs up".
He figured it out, repeat one-liners 3 times until audience gets it.
Ok, it's over. Thank God.
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