WARNING: MOST OF THIS IS SATIRE.
I don't think the Mormon Church condones torture, I just think they don't not condone torture.
Mormon Church: "We hate this kind of love".
While the world watches a bloody and unjust war in Iraq, mass genocide throughout Africa, and a sudden fiery debate over illegal immigration, Gay people (with a capital "G") are still trying to get married. Yes, that's right. Gay people (human beings of the same sex who love each other) are still trying to have legal marital ceremonies to prove their responsiblity to each other and to society. And the media, with all their attention turned to the WAR and to GOVERNMENT CORRUPTION, have completely ignored the PEOPLE WHO LOVE EACH OTHER GETTING MARRIED controversy.Ok, enough satire. Whatever.
The Mormon Church this week bravely stepped up to the plate and read an Anti-Gay clause from thousands of church pulpits nationwide. They are 1 of 49 other religious organizations that support bans on Gay Marriage and an Amendment to the Constitution of the United States of America. This endeavor is, of course, a high priority among this nation's idiots and nincompoops. Dullards have also become quite involved.
All this comes 6 months after the Mormon Church REFUSED to sign and support a letter SAYING THAT TORTURE TO ANOTHER HUMAN BEING IS BAD. 46 other religious organizations nationwide got together, thought about it, and then decided to voice their non-denominational religious opinion that torture (such as that at Abu Gharib prison) might be against the teachings of Jesus Christ, etc. But the Mormon Church said, "The church has not taken a position on any proposed legislative or administrative actions regarding torture." They continued, "We're still thinking about it. I mean, torture, gosh that's quite a grey area".
So, here is the Mormon Church's current position on Gays and Torture (Gay people into S&M not included):
This is OK. Even though it is our hope and prayer that the man punching the living shit out of the naked Arabs eventually finds Jesus and pays us tithing.
This is also OK. Unless that blood is from the anus of a gay man who had too much homosexual sex and didn't know when to stop so he bled a lot. Only then would angels weep.
OK, we ARE against this. This kind of debauchery will not stand. Seeing that man's penis both confuses and infuriates us.
Check out JESUS' GENERAL original post on all this baffling behavior.
60 comments:
Steven,
I find it rather remarkable that you have used derogitory words in reference to Homosexuals in the recent past on this blog and that you are now acting like you are the personal champion of Gay marriage.
Your inconsistency seems rather odd to say the least.
The Mormon Church makes their young male members sign up for Boy Scouts. THAT's torture.
It's so cute the way you hate.
Anonymous Jen, when have I ever done that?
Anonymous John, it's so cute the way you don't get it.
Steve,
nice post. way to keep your good eye on the ball.
Ok, Jen. Ok.
Steven,
I am not an idiot, thank you very much.
It doesn't surprise me that you have turned to name calling.
It is very evident in reading your post that it is all about YOUR DISDAIN towards the Mormons and has nothing to do with this false morality you use as a front.
On a side note:
Based on the articles you linked, you have made a fairly large mathmatical error.
You said that:
"46 other religious organizations nationwide got together ..."
However according to the article,it was 14 different faith groups.
It was 40 some odd religious leaders however so I can see it was clearly an honest mistake.
Anyways-
Why would the Mormons have to jump on every political wagon that passes by to state the obvious?
Yes, the Mormon religion is against TORTURE. This seems rather obvious but they went ahead and stated it anyways.
Yes, the Mormon religion is against HATE.
Yes, the Mormon religion is against GAY BASHING.
Yes, the Mormon religion is against RACISM.
Yes, the Mormon religion is against DOMESTIC VIOLENCE.
Yes, the Mormon religion is against ADULTERY.
Yes, the Mormon religion is against PORNOGRAPHY.
Yes the Mormon religion is againsts CRUELTY TO ANIMALS.
Yes the Mormon religion is against CRUELTY TO THE ELDERLY.
Yes the Mormon religion is against CANNIBALISM (even though a few tried it out one time in a heavy snow storm)
Steven, are you against hate?
Jen
Ok, Jen. Ok.
Is the Mormon church against SEXISM?
I thought you pinkos were all for separation of church and state. Apparently not when it's convenient for a good ol' fashioned Mormon Bash.
Hey Steven, it's me Duckie. I hope you aren't still mad at me.
I just like to razz people. But I meant what I said just the same.
I was just wondering what your position on gun control was. Maybe you could post something about gun control, I would very much like that.
your pal,
Duckie
PS
I got a new puppy the other day and I still haven't picked out a name for her. Any suggestions?
Is Steven Greenstreet against SEXISM?
In light of the Mormon church lobbying Congress to ban gay marriage, I encourage everyone to contact their senators and rep. to let them know that you think Mormon Temple marriages ought to be banned constitutionally because those secret rituals are kind of creepy and not very much in keeping with traditional marriage.
(This is a rhetorical argument to make a point, people. Don't get too worked up about it.)
For more info about this lobbying effort to ban Mormon Temple marriage (and to find your reps' email address), go to www.stenar.org
Steve,
Jen does raise some good points, are you going to respond?
Stenar,
What a rebel you are!!! I'll bet the ladies flock to you--you bad boy! Banning the Mormon Temple wedding? What will you come up with next!!! OUTRAGEOUS!!!
Something you should add to the list of stuff to ban is your "Footloose" haircut.
Stenar: Don't mind those who can't grasp satiric/rhetorical intellect. They're too busy drinking kool aid and doing Algebra homework.
tom hanks found a clue in the MONA lisa: Jen doesn't bring up any valid points. So I'm not going to respond to them.
Duckie:
Good names for animals can always be found by taking a military title and combining it with a fluffy animal name:
Colnel Nibbler
General Fluffers
Liutenant Whiskers
And so on.
Of course though, my cat's name is General Grievous. And I have a fish named Kingsley.
Duckie (yes hi)
Name suggestions:
Since it's a female dog. Perhaps something with royalty:
Princess Leia
Queen Anne of Duckieshire (or just Queen Anne)
Joan of Arc
or maybe Pocahantus?
Anyways... some thoughts.
I thought you pinkos were all for separation of church and state. Apparently not when it's convenient for a good ol' fashioned Mormon Bash.
We are. That's kinda the point!
Just razzn ya back.
Is Steven Greenstreet against SEXISM?
Jen, don't avoid anon's question by posing another. It's a good point.
I got a new puppy the other day and I still haven't picked out a name for her. Any suggestions
I hear Fudge Packer is a pretty popular name now a days.
John,
You're a damn genius! I shall call the young pup "Fudge". It's perfect, he's a little chocolate lab. My mom keeps calling him Coco, which totally pisses me off! Cause Coco seems like a foofoo dog that's been snipped. I am against snipping dogs. "Fudge" isn't about to have his manhood sacrificed for the good of the community.
As for whether Steven is a SEXIST or not, I do recall him going crazy on some broad here a while back. He kept telling her to "get the sand out of her" you-know-where among other sexist remarks.
your pal,
Duckie Butters
Wait a minute John!
I think Bryan has got some nice additions. I glossed over his post. Those are all very good names.
I've got two pups to choose from. Originally I was going to keep the girl pup. "cause I figured less aggression. But my older brother tells me that when the girl dog is in heat, it can be a total drag.
So I have been thinking more seriously about the boy pup as of late.
Steven,
If I switch back to the girl dog (because I am man enough to admit I am SEXIST) I might consider Pocahantas because of her rich dark coat. But I am nervous about this whole heat deal.
How are people feeling about "Cap'n Fudge" if I go with the boy?
Duckie,
If you went with "Cap'n Fudge Packer" I think that Stenar might take offense.
Have you noticed that the US educational system doesn't do a very good job of teaching people to think?
animal chin: I'm not offended by people naming their dog or whatever after Boyd KKK FudgePacker.
I love it when gay guys have this big chip on their shoulder.
Did someone say "fudgepacker?"
Who's got the chip on their shoulder?
"If the Shoe fits, where it."
Blow-hard!
So put that in your pipe and smoke it.
Animal Chin
Mr. Chin,
I assume that you are not from OUR country, so I will pardon your bad spelling.
Your post should read:
"If the Shoe fits, WEAR it."
and not
"If the Shoe fits, WHERE it."
Steven,
I'm not trying to be a jerk but "Pocahantus" should have been spelled "Pocahontas."
Stenar,
Do you have any suggestions that don't sound too racist or gay for a brown pup?
Your pal,
Duckie
Name suggestions for a brown pup:
Mr. Butters
Chocolate
Brownie (after Bush's buddy, former FEMA director)
Olav
Bjørn
Håkon (pronounced ho-CONE)
Oddvar
Magnus
Roar (pronounced row-ARE)
Reidar (pronounced RIDE-are)
Rune (pronounced ROON-uh)
Dag (pronounced Dog)
Finn
Stig (pronounced Steeg)
Stenar,
I asked for dog names that DO NOT sound GAY!
The last thing I need is to be walkling my heterosexual dog in a heterosexual park and have some uninvited Gay dude approach me and think that I'm fighting for the pink team on account of my dog being named "Håkon."
And speaking of GAY sounding names, what's the deal with Stenar?
Duckie, you're making all this very ridiculous.
Stenar,
so...are you really leading some hackneyed effort to ban Mormon weddings? Or is this just a clever "rhetorical argument" as you claim?
it's a little unclear.
Rear Admiral Butterscotch
Duckie,
why don't you name your pet Halestorm?
Stenar is a Swedish name and the other names I listed are Norwegian. The future king of Norway is named Håkon. Not very gay. I sent those names before I realized that your dog was a she, however.
In Norway, at least, Håkon is a very butch name.
More typical American xenophobia.
And you think Duckie doesn't sound extremely gay???
Hailstorm? I wanna name for a puppy not some crappy butt-rock metal band!
What else do you got?
PS
Use your spellcheck next time.
Maybe Vice Admiral Butterscotch would be better than rear admiral...
But I like the sound of it...
Or Private First Class Peppermint Puppy. That's a good one.
Halestorm is the name of that crappy LDS movie production company run by the Hale family. I think dorman may have been referring to that. :P
Steven,
clever take on the mona lisa thing, but you've got to at least address a few of Jen's points (I know some of them are far fetched, but not all)
Duckie,
i don't know if this is true or not, but dogs seem to do well with 2 syllable names that end with an "ee" sound (charlie, roxy, brownie, etc.) I know they're boring, but you might be more successful interacting with your pet if they have a good idea that you are calling their name.
Stenar,
if the Hale's ever do a stage production of Footloose you are guaranteed a role. Now who's crappy?
Mona,
Have you seen Footloose recently? In Footloose, he has spikey hair that stands up. I know because I styled my hair like his back when I was 12 or so. Looking at Steven's photo, his hair looks more like the Footloose guy than mine.
Regardless, was that supposed to be a put down?? HA HA!! I take that as a compliment, because Kevin Bacon is an attractive guy.
P.S.: Mona, YOU are crappy.
Bryan,
Did you ever settle on a name for your movie theater movie? What about "Nacho Dinero"
(I'm kidding)
Duckie,
I hope you find a good dog name. What about Darla for a girl and Butch for a boy. I know - not funny but decent names that might work.
Mona,
Steven has made anti-gay remarks in the recent past. And also remarks that were very sexist in the recent past.
When he openly avoids these very relevant observations, he is also demonstrating very passive aggressive characteristics.
Steven,
There seems to be some jokers here on your blog and that is all in good fun I sure, but the remarks I made were serious and your dismisal seems rather immature. I am not making fun of your hair or your hats or any of these silly things, I have respectfully remarked on what seem to be quite honestly - well for lack of a better word "hypocritical" on your part.
I am baffled by your rudeness towards me. (I read what you called me before you deleted it)
Lots of luck in your carreer,
Jen
Jen,
No. We haven't settled on a name. We've thought seriously about "The Penny-Ante Escapade" but thought it sounded way too cool for the movie. We've talked about the suggestions on the blog. We've thought about titles varying in quality from "Movie Hounds" to "Chris' Big Day Out" At the end of the day it's really hard to title a comedy film about guys who like movies. We have a lot of references in the film to other films and styles of filmmaking (Batman, Resorvoir Dogs, Clerks, Bottle Rocket, Pi, etc...) And we were thinking about aping those, but at the end of the day, that sounds shitty.... I don't know...
As far as Steve goes, it's not my place to defend him on the blog here, so I don't try. He's here, he can do it himself. But, at the end of the day, I think the real Steve is the one who actually does care about Gay Rights. He had a rainbow sticker on his car for as long as I can remember and knowing Steve personally I know the stuff he writes about in this post is something that actually bothers him. Having said that, when his ego gets involved in blog comments,he's liable to say anything. So. There you go, for what it's worth. And, if you notice, I was very careful not to put any words in anyone's mouth....
Bryan,
Yeah, you said it, Chewie.
Jen,
zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz...
Folks,
Thanks for all the heterosexual dog name suggestions. Bryan and Steven especially. You guys are great! I woke up today and decided to call the dog Satan on account of him being black and also because of today's date 6-6-06. After calling him Satan a few times to see how he would respond, he dumped on my rug. So I tried the old rub the dog's nose in it trick but while I was doing that, it started wizzing everywhere like it was on crack or something. So I gave Satan back to my neighbors and now they are all pissed at me. Not because I gave him back, but because I named him Satan. Oh well.
Steven,
Something that I have observed over the past few months is that when a chick calls you on something, you almost always respond badly.
What the deal with that?
Stenar,
I don't know who you are trying to kid but Kevin Bacon is NOT gay. I just thought you should know.
Your pal,
Duckie
Duckie,
I notice you're still posting comments on the "Holyfuckingshit-this-is-such-a-pathetic-waste-of-time-Steven-Greenstreet-Blog".
What's the deal with that?
Duckie-
Kevin Bacon may not be gay, but you are.
Easy there Stenar, that's called slander!
Mr. Greenstreet,
Mr. Stenar's slanderous remark was made to Mr. Duckie Butters not to me.
You see?
Mr. Anonymous
Doesn't matter. If "Duckie Butters" is that guy's real name, then calling him a fag and/or pillow biter is both acceptable and encouraged on this blog.
You don't honestly think "Duckie Butters" is his real name, do you? Wow.
Sorry, Duckie. Just some retribution for your SGblog comments. I'm just "razzing".
Anonymous, I appreciate what you are trying to do but let me handle this.
Steven,
“Duckshire J. Butters” is my full name. Duckshire is my mother's maiden name. J. oddly doesn't stand for anything, not on my birth certificate anyways. It just says "J." for my midddle name. My parents wanted me to have the middle initial "J." but couldn't agree on John or James so the just put "J."
Yes, I was teased about my name in grade school and in high school I tried to get people to start calling me John but that didn't catch on at all and it only made matters worse. So I decided that John was a lame and unoriginal name and that Duckie was unique and therefore kinda cool. I have never been ashamed of my name since. I like it! There isn’t another Duckie Butters in the world that I am aware of. So there you go.
Stenar,
You calling me gay IS slander. However me calling you gay is not.
Why….. because you ARE gay. And guess what folks? Something isn’t slander if it IS true.
How do you like them apples?
Your pal,
Duckshire “Duckie” Butters
Bryan,
Can you shed any light on Steven's true feelings towards homosexual men?
Stenar,
What do you think of your "Champion of Gay Marriage" now?
Steven,
Now you have refered to gays as being "fudgepackers" and "fags". Aren't you concerned as to what this will mean to your relationaship with Stenar?
-Animal Chin
Bryan,
Thanks for your very respectful response.
Well hasn't this all been very interesting? All I can say is unbelievable ... simply unbelievable.
Good luck with all you do.
Jen
This has really gotten way too out of hand!
YEAH! 55 Comments! Thanks for your continuing interest everyone! Let's keep this going, shall we?
I love Steven, but not in a gay sort of way! ;) hehe
It's not slander if it's in print. DUH.
Can you prove you're not gay, Duckie? You don't want to go down the road Oscar Wilde did.
With a name like Duckie, I doubt you'll convince a jury you're NOT gay.
Lovely photo on "the osmonds" link, Mr. Hooper. Was that supposed to be insulting?
If you had any graphic design skills, you could have made it more realistic looking.
-stenar.org
So Steven, let me get this "straight."
You are for gay rights yet you continue to insult people like Stenar by using derogitory terms like "Fudgepacker" "Pillow biter" and "fag"?
I return to an earlier idea, yet with much more clarity when I say:
It is now clearer than ever that you really don't care at all for Homosexuals, you just have a chip on your shoulder about the Mormons. This whole post is about your disdain towards the Mormon religion and has nothing to do with this false moraliy that you use as a front.
What's next? are going to start in on African-americans now too? I'll bet you could really whip up some good insults for them.
Jen
I don't take offense at Steven's use of the words "fudgepacker," "fag," or "pillow biter," because for one they're just words. Two, I don't associate those words with being gay. I'm sure some people do, but that's their problem. Not mine.
Here is an excerpt from a SAVAGE LOVE column:
This is not really a question about sex, but I couldn't think of any other gay person who could give me a reasonable answer: Am I a homophobe if I make certain jokes regarding gayness? For instance, if I say, "The Olympics are gay," or ask, "Why are you so gay?" I don't feel as though I'm a homophobe. I know and like gay people and I'm for gay civil rights and gay marriage. Also, if I hear somebody call a homosexual person names in an angry or blatantly derogatory manner I get upset. So can I call my buddy gay if he tells me he uploaded a Phil Collins CD onto his computer, or should I just call him a dumbshit instead?
Fine With Fags, Really
Officially, FWFR? It's so not okay to use "gay" as a synonym for lame. When you use "gay" like that, you're reinforcing a cultural prejudice against gay people—I mean duh, right? You may not be a homophobe, but using that expression is homophobic, and when you use it you're helping to sustain the prejudice that deprives your gay friends of their civil rights and marriage rights.
Unofficially, FWFR? I don't care what you do. Most of the gay people I know use "that's so gay" the same way you do, and the few times I've overheard strangers using the expression, people who may or may not have been gay, I had to concede the point: The thing they were tagging as so gay was, in fact, so gay.
Finally, FWFR, a buddy who uploads a Phil Collins CD onto his computer isn't a dumbshit, he's a douchebag. Please make a note of it.
Dan Savage
And here is an excerpt from the definition of "gay" on Wikipedia:
The Times (June 6 2006, p.3) comments on the etymology of the word, that while retaining its other meanings, it has also acquired "an widespread current usage" amongst young people, to mean "lame" or "rubbish", to the extent that its original meaning has become reversed by bloggers to mean "boring" or "dull".
A 2006 BBC ruling by the Board of Governors over the use of the word in the context of a Chris Moyles Radio 1 show statement "I don't want that one, it's gay", cited in the same article, states that:
The word 'gay' ... need not be offensive... or homophobic... The govenors said, however, that Moyles was simply keeping up with developments in English usage. [...] The committee... was "familiar with hearing this word in this context." The govenors believed that in describing a ringtone as 'gay', the DJ was conveying that he thought it was 'rubbish', rather than 'homosexual'. [...] The panel acknowledged however that this use... in a derogatory sense... could cause offence in some listeners, and counselled caution on its use.
Maybe terms like "gay" will be to straight men like "nigga" is to African-American men.
later fags...
df,
I don't really think you're a female dog. I'm just having fun with this tired debate.
Cheers,
John
extremely tired debate
lol. Don't worry df, you're not the only one who realizes this. I think it's a symptom of blogging and chatting. Everyone wants to get their two cents in, and everyone else's comments sound stupid.
Have you ever been walking down the street or in the subway or wherever, and you overhear someone's conversation and think to yourself, "boy, that's a dumb conversation".
Other people's thoughts and comments always sound dumb.
Maybe they are. Including our own.
There's my deep thought for the day. Judge it.
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